I would like to have you know that I sat through the 5-hour Wagner Ring cycle productions with no problems at all. The stories were interesting, the singing exquisite, the costumes fabulous. I had absolutely no problem picturing Bugs Bunny. The sea fairies were reminiscent of “Get out of the woods, get out of the woods, get into the light!”
Lohengrin, however, seemed to be birthed for parody. The synopsis for Act I states, “Miraculously the assembled knights see a man drawing near in a boat led by a swan.” A swan. So, for those of you not familiar with the Ring cycle, let me tell you, a Los Angeles Opera Ring cycle swan would have been a spectacular engineering feat – a prop designer’s dream come true. There was no swan for this production. Lohengrin enters in the most unglamorous way imaginable. From a shed. A shed. Like the kind my grams had in the back of her house near First and Soto. The shed where drunks used to sleep when the alley had too much broken glass. Where’s my friggin’ swan? In Italy (yes, the Arena in Verona is my favorite place to see opera), if the scene requires an elephant, the audience gets an elephant. A real, live elephant! I was asking for a measly puppet. My sister pointed out that the swan was suggested. Suggested? Are the ruby slippers suggested? Is Oz suggested? Okay, okay, so maybe expecting the equivalent of the Sea Snail from Dr. Doolittle was expecting too much, but swapping out a swan for a shed is unacceptable. Someone needs a lesson in showing, not telling.
The choreography was almost as pedestrian as Les Mis (for those of you who didn’t see Les Miserables, stand up, put your hands in the air as if you just completed a granny shot, and then walk to the other side of the room. Repeat in opposite direction).
This production also contains the worst fight scene ever. I mean man! Lohengrin has this cool silver leg to bewitch and bedazzle, but all I saw was the LAMEST kick ever – imagine Fred Mertz trying to kick Ethel from behind. They shoulda called in the stunt doubles.
Act II. The set was rotated a few times to give the illusion of action. A juggler from the previous week’s Rigoletto was featured to prove to the audience that the producers knew that some physical movement was needed to be present on stage. The wedding scene drooped as much as a Dali. Salvador, that is. Give me a Mexican funeral any day.
The story and music stagnated. It was beyond repetition – it was more like a skipping lp – stuck on the “I” from Whitney Houston’s version of “I Will Always Love You.”
In short – boring. Act III mentions a dove and a swan. I’m sure they did appear, but because the first two acts were such a drag, I left early – as if it were a Laker game. By the second intermission, I didn’t even care.
